The doorbell rang and Wanda sighed. She’d just gotten back from a long flight and didn’t want to deal with visitors. She almost reached her hands into the soapy water when it rang again, along with a sharp rapping on the door.
“Fine” she muttered, throwing down her apron and donning her hat. They all called her a witch and by God she was happy to live up to the hype.
She didn’t even have time to cackle a greeting before a shrill rabbit burst through her door. “You witch! You’ve cursed us! Cast a spell! A hex! A charm!”
Slylock, the anthropomorphic fox who styled himself a detective looked at her almost apologetically. His assistant, Max, peered around while sniffing at the waste bin.
“Why, Rachel,” she yelled over the creature, “how lovely to see you. Do come in.”
“Admit it!” shouted Mr.s Rabbit. “confess!
“All right, you’ve caught me.”
Slylock’s eyebrow shot up.
“I am indeed the fairest of them all. But I’ll share my exercise regimen with you, if you like.”
While Rachel sputtered, Slylock stepped up. “Hello, Wanda. I apologize for the outburst, Mrs. Rabbit hasn’t gotten much sleep lately. Ow!”
Mrs. Rabbit had just kicked his shin. “Don’t you apologize for me, she’s the one who dunnit!”
“What precisely have I done, Rachel dear?”
“You– you– you’ve ensorcelled my babies!”
“Oh, well spoken,” Wanda admired.
“All they ever do is cry! Cryin’ and wailin’ all the time!”
“Yes, that is so unlike infants.”
“Ever since you moved in here it’s chantin’ and screamin’ an, an, dancin’ naked in the moonlight!”
“Darling, it has to be in moonlight. If I dance in the dark, I’ll trip over every baseball and bauble in sight.”
“All right, ladies,” Slylock intervened. “Rachel, didn’t you say it’s been worse these past few nights?”
“That’s right! I haven’t got an hour’s sleep in three days!”
“Well there you are, then,” Wanda declared. “For the past several days I’ve been on the moon, meeting with our neighbors there. So fascinating how they’ve evolved into subtly distinct species. A tooth here, a rib there–“
“Hey Sly,” Max piped up after swallowing something. “We just had a conference too!”
“Good point, chum.” Max beamed. “Wanda,” Slylock mused, “was Weirdly at this meeting too?”
“Not that I saw. But I didn’t look for him, we’re not exactly on speaking terms these days.”
“Of course not, please forgive me.”
“Not at all. Oh! Please forgive me, where are my manners? Come sit down, I’ll put a kettle on and find some biscuits.”
“Don’t you try to weasel out of this!” Rachel shrieked.
Slylock set his hand on her shoulder. “Rachel, it’s okay. I’m still here, right? I’m still investigating. I have more questions. It’s alright. Alright?”
She was only somewhat mollified. “Al– alright.”
“And doesn’t that sound nice? Sitting down for a minute?”
Max piped up. ”Here, let me hold him. Babies love me! What’s his name?”
“What? Oh, erm, Rupert.”
“Rupert, sure.” He stumbled slightly at taking the child who was nearly as big as him already.
“Now then.” Slylock led the harried hare to an overstuffed chair.
“It has been a minute since I had a nice sit-down. Only for a minute though, mind you, I has more littl’uns at home.”
“I’m sure Mr. Rabbit is having the time of his life caring for his children.”
“Oh, I am too, that’s what worries me. Ah, thank you, dearie.” She settled into the chair.
“No worries.”
Meanwhile, Max was chasing little Rupert, who’d easily escaped the small mammal’s grasp, around the apartment.
Wanda returned to the living room. “Won’t be a minute, Bastet is watching it. It’s so curious, isn’t it, how certain animal strains were elevated in The Event, while others weren’t, and still others seem to fall somewhere in between? Bastet remains pet-sized, walks on all fours, and yet shows remarkable intelligence for Felis catus. I’m convinced she understands English, yet she never speaks, at least not to me.”
Slylock cleared his throat. “We were discussing…”
“Yes, yes, of course. But I thought we’d already cleared that up?”
“It isn’t just the last few days, Wanda. As my client complains, it’s ever since you moved in.”
“Oh yes, the ensorcellment. Perhaps it’s my music?” She snapped her fingers and Blue Swede’s cover of ‘Hooked on a Feeling’ blared over the speakers. “Or the telly?” A flick of her wrist, and the chanting was replaced by an animated human singing ‘Let It Go.’ “Or maybe–“ a wave of her hand and it too fell silent “–it was simply my private time with Tiffany.”
The mention of his sometime girlfriend left Slylock unfazed. “That’s nice. Motion sensors?”
“Among other things. One must keep up appearances.” A low yowl came from the kitchen. “That’ll be the tea. No, Max, you can’t chase him, his flight instinct kicks in! Honestly, you’d think a prey animal could remember that. Just a moment.”
While Wanda fetched the refreshments, Slylock glanced over to Mrs. Rabbit. Sure enough, she’d fallen fast asleep. Not even Wanda’s little display had bothered her. He looked around the room, though he wasn’t even sure what he was looking for. The human returned a few minutes later with a full tray of tea and biscuits.
“Honestly,” she said, setting down the tray. “If they’d just trust me a bit, they’d see I’m quite a decent person.” Deftly, she snatched up the toddler and held it to her chest. “Shh, shh, there now you’re safe. You’re safe. That nasty creature with the sharp teeth can’t get you now.”
“Nasty?” Max sputtered. “Sharp? It ain’t my my fault, they just keep growin’! And Sly don’t let me gnaw in the house!”
“So you go outside to gnaw,” she told him. “But for now, gnaw a biscuit, I’m sure something around here will enjoy the crumbs.”
“Aw, swell!” He stuffed his face and grabbed a cup. “An dif too?” he managed.
“That, too.” She set the bunny, now calmed, onto his mother's lap, then turned to Slylock. “Lemon and one sugar, yes?”
“Perfect.” He took the proffered cup and sighed. “Now, Wanda…”
“Oh, I know. I’ll turn it down.”
“Thank you. And these last few days?”
She shrugged and sipped her tea. “I couldn’t tell you. You’ve talked to the other neighbors?”
“Haven’t had a chance, she dragged me straight here.”
“Of course.”
With his free hand Slylock gestured to her outfit. “You do make it easy for them.”
“They started it,” she declared, then smiled. “And you know the worst part? Once upon a time, witches were just people. This getup, and the broom? Traditional female brewing accoutrements, until men industrialized it.”
“I hope we behave in a more egalitarian way.”
“I hope so too. But then… King Leo? Chief Mutt? Yourself?”
“Sure, but don’t forget Princess Pussycat and Mayor Mink? Not to mention Justices Raccoon, Badger, and Gooseberg.”
She raised her teacup to him. “As I said, hope.”
He raised his cup too, and they chatted lightly as they finished their tea, then stood. Slylock looked to Mrs. Rabbit. “I suppose I ought to wake her up, take her home.”
“I could set her on my broomstick, it rides like a dream.”
He considered. “We won’t tell her?”
“Certainly not, can you imagine?”
“By the way, where’s Max got to?”
“Oh, probably scrounging around the garbage. I didn’t have time to empty the bin before I left. Come on.”
Together they got her onto the hovering broomstick and took her back up to her own apartment, where Mr. Rabbit tucked her into bed. Slylock sniffed out Max, who had indeed found scraps of cheese on a leftover pizza box, and together they left. Wanda locked the door behind her and turned back to the sink.
“Dishes. They’re the real curse.” She stared at them a moment, then turned off the water. The basement boiler would ensure plenty of hot water in the morning as well. Then her brow furrowed in thought, remembering her little “side project” in the boiler room. “Oh, dear. I didn’t… Did I leave the summoning circle on?”