Some Random Thoughts

Someday I’ll learn. Early this month I felt lucky, that I might have dodged the seasonal illness that goes around every year. And a scant few days later it landed on my face. Just like it does every year. This week I finally felt up to getting back to work, though I took it easy. I still have some sinus gunk and the cough that goes with it. But at least my energy level is returning to normal.

Azunyan hasn’t complained though. She’s been a good snuggle buddy and has encouraged me to take lots of naps. Well, okay, she did complain about me returning to work. In fact I was late a couple of days because she’s so good at stalling me. But could you say no to this sweet baby?

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I’ve also been able to rewatch ‘Witch Hunter Robin.’ One of my roommates just out of college was really into anime and Robin was one of the first ones he introduced me to. I’m not as immersed in the culture and genre as a lot of people seem to be; there’s too much other media that I enjoy consuming. I’m the stone skipping across the pond rather than the one sunk to the bottom; I know a little about a lot of things rather than being expert in just a few. I don’t think that either is better than the other, though I do often wish that I had the ability to maintain that level of interest, to truly grok a subject. But also maybe I get references other people don’t? 🤷🏻‍♂️✌🏻

Let’s Try This Again

I’m notoriously bad at maintaining this blog. I guess I want my entries to all be meaningful, but my life isn’t Bones or The Blacklist. I don’t have some startling new revelation once a week for half the year (and reruns in syndication).

I have this tendency in other areas too, that if something isn’t perfect it’s not worth finishing. Even when no one else might notice the flaws. I also want writing this to be fun, but the weight of perceived imperfection weighs on me so that it becomes a chore. I’m not always witty or clever. I won’t always write something life-changing.

But I want to do this, and even feel a need. Because it’s important to check in with myself, to keep track of my thoughts and emotions, because Depression clings to me like I cling on to life.

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So here I am. My week was not the best. I’m painting the boys’ bathrooms at one of the high schools, which the upstairs ones need as they’re the old color scheme. But the downstairs were painted a year ago and most of the problems I’ve been able to take care of by cleaning. And what, you ask, is this miracle cleaning product that is able to remove most of these messes?

Water.

Yeah. I’m using a wet rag to clean the walls. Now, I admit that I’ve never received any formal training in janitorial work. I don’t know the proper ratios for mixing cleansers, I don’t know the proper techniques for using and maintaining floor scrubbers, I’ve certainly never applied a fresh coat of wax to a gymnasium floor. But maybe, just maybe, rather than asking for a new coat of paint every year, you teach your custodians to use a wet rag?

But here’s the real pisser. I applied for a position in the Safety Shop, where I would work full-time with the fire and security systems. The foreman really wanted me to apply and talked me up for the position. They were even going as far as talking about paying for my training for the low-voltage license. My interview went well, but they went with someone with more experience.

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So now I’m stuck with that. I’m still working with them in my ancillary position at night and I can’t fault them for choosing a more qualified candidate over me, but I still feel a sense of betrayal. And when the new guy shows up I get to just pretend that everything’s cool and hide any resentment I feel for his getting the job that I wanted.

Being a grownup sucks.

The Longest Night

Merry Christmas.

Happy Hanukkah.

Blessed Jül.

Happy Kwanzaa.

Merry Malkh.

Blessed Mōdraniht.

Happy Newtonmas.

Joyous Pancha Ganapati.

Raucous Saturnalia.

Peaceful Soyal.

Blessed Yalda.

I guessed on most of the greetings, but all of the festivals are (or were) real. Winter Solstice celebrations have always been a part of human culture and usually involve gatherings of the people we love in light and warmth. It’s a time of celebration for the joys of the year that’s passed and hope for the year to come. A time not just for giving, but for sharing; for opening our pantries and our hearts and our homes to those around us. So on this solstice, let us remember to be the light in the darkness; and that the longest nights offer the most time to gather with each other and share our love.